Scientist. Knitter. Baker. Mostly scattered unfocused feed, I ain't trying to brand anything here this is just to help me get through the day. Ferociously compassionate. She/her. š³ļøāš I used to really like John Mulaney, so the blog title is one of his old bits.
Itās wild to me to see transvestigator conspiracy theories online that could be so easily explained by natural human variation. That woman has a deep voice? Yeah, sometimes they do. A woman has broad shoulders?? Maybe she plays rugby or hits the gym a fuckton. Thereās a ābulgeā in her tight pants?? Maybe her vulva is just fat. All the āmarkersā of trans woman that transvestigators use to harass any woman arenāt even things unique to trans women.
Transphobes talk about women like theyāre Barbies. Have you forgotten the existence of cameltoe? Tiny boobs? Narrow hips? Broad shoulders? Why do you think choirs have altos and not just sopranos? What do you think female athletes look like? Do you think a woman that lifts weights and plays contact sports will look like a 90s supermodel? At what point in history did we collectively forget that human bodies have natural variability???
One thing that has made me a much more well-adjusted person is a clip I once saw of Hank Green saying that anyone can be in amazing shape as long as being in amazing shape is one of their top three priorities.
(This is obviously a generalization that isn’t true for everyone. But it is true for most people and I’m proceeding from there.)
This “top three priorities” framing has genuinely reduced my tendency toward jealousy and self-comparison a lot. Now when I feel envious of someone’s spotless, aesthetic home, I think to myself, “Having a spotless, aesthetic home is probably one of their top three priorities. It’s definitely not one of mine, so I shouldn’t expect my home to look like that.”
Or when I see an influencer with a body that takes a ton of work to maintain: “Maintaining that body is obviously one of her top three priorities, because it’s her livelihood. My livelihood is my brain, so I’m never going to prioritize my body like that.”
It also helps me to identify areas that I actually DO want to prioritize more. I realized in recent years that my envy for my friends who prioritized writing more than I did was NOT going away, so I started to prioritize writing more. (Not top three, but higher priority than it has been in the past.)
I’m just trying to become someone who the child inside me will not hate. I’m trying to be everything she needed and did not receive. She is so lonely still. It’s not fair that she is so lonely still.
The “If you were over 6 feet tall and living in Wellington in 2001 you didn’t have a choice my dude” is killing me, like I’m just picturing the LOTR casting directors running around Wellington with a measuring tape, black-bagging tall guys and shoving them into vans.
“You’re a Lord of the Rings extra now.”
“No! Please! I have a family! I’m supposed to work the closing shift at the Pita Pit tonight!”
“You serve at the pleasure of the Steward of Gondor now.”
So, I really like doing Picrews but I’m also Black, SO! I decided to compile a list of picrews and dolls that had a wide range of skin tones, option for Black facial features and Black hair options THAT MAKE SENSE. If you find anymore please add on! These are my favs to go back to 😁
I just want to say the story of parents with a child they can barely afford health care for is still resonant even to this day and that’s… wow.
So good job 90s Muppets and Charles Dickens?
But I also love the way Michael Caine played Scrooge. He really creates this character who is so malicious and cold but at the same time has a soft spot. He delivered on that performance. He bought in all the way.
I also want to notice the way that Scrooge totally changes his tone after the Ghost of Christmas present. This is especially important because the Ghost of Christmas present comes off as incredibly dumb at first, kind of loopy. But he uses humor to break the ice with Scrooge and they end up joking together. Finally, he treats Scrooge like a friend. (While being honest with him and not taking his shit) This makes such a profound difference for Scrooge.
The Ghost of Christmas past points out his mistakes which hurts because Scrooge is forced to face the mistakes he’s made. The Ghost of Christmas present functions like a balm for that hurt but he also shows Scrooge the reality of what IS - that if he doesn’t change his ways, not only has he hurt himself and his own life (losing the woman he loved) but he’s also going to hurt other people with his choices (Tiny Tim and Bob Cratchit).
The result is that when Scrooge encounters the Ghost of Christmas Future, he actually tries to empathize with the ghost, even expresses being willing to learn and be led.
The funny thing is I’ve found this reminds me of how I relate to students at times and what I recently realized. It sounds cliche when people say ‘relationship is important’ and that you have to establish a rapport with your students but the more I teach the more I realize how true that is.
More to the point, my recent epiphany was that I often just try to start class without stopping to actually chat with the kids first. I’ve noticed that more experienced teachers will kind of ‘hang out’ at the front of the class while kids do their bell work and chat with them. And that’s the important thing - the chatting.
You won’t need all these silly little ways of getting your students’ attention - hand clapping and stuff - if you actually just engage with them.
And it’s funny because I’ve learned this from working at Starbucks too. It sounds cliche and corporate but engaging with customers, chatting to them and being friendly, really does change the nature of the exchange. You go from just being a place people buy coffee to a place people feel at home. You become a part of their routine and they feel more special when you remember their name and how they like their drink.
It’s really the same with students. Like when I felt nervous about starting a new long term substitute teaching position, I just thought of my manager at Starbucks. She’s very hard working and efficient and she shows how she cares about people in the way she speaks to us. She’s respectful, she doesn’t use an accusing or demanding tone. She talks to us like our feelings matter to her. (Which makes her one of the best bosses I’ve ever had). I started thinking ‘What would she do? How would she be a teacher? How would she talk to these kids?’ So when I approached the students about things, I just tried talking the way I thought she would. The result was that I actually felt better about teaching. Because I viewed these kids almost like adults in a working place rather than kids whose behavior I had to manage.
Though to be able to sit around during bellwork you have to have it together as a teacher and I think that’s the issue. I was often trying to do grading during class. Like I gave them something to work on and then focused on powering through grading. I think my mistake was that I wasn’t more of a presence in the class during my four weeks there. The times I did talk to the students and engage wtih them, I think it made it clear that I cared - and that is what motivates kids to do their work. If they feel like the teacher cares.
They can’t appreciate that you’re grading stuff - even if they complain about it not being graded ‘on time’ or ‘soon’ or whatever. But when you talk to them and ask them if they understand or what you can help them with it makes it more clear to them that you’re invested in their learning. If it looks like you’re ignoring them, they think ‘Well she doesn’t care so why should I?’
Three sessions with my first ever therapist under my belt, can I get a heck yeah for mental healthcare??
In my most recent session I learned that I am an INTERNAL PROCESSOR. And I need people I’m in relationships with to understand that I need to step away from a situation in order to process my emotions! Neat right?!
